My partner don’t care about my art, at all… O.

Sorry for at dette er på engelsk. Er egentlig postet på Deviantart. Ville bare høre om noen hadde noe å si om dette, her.

Hey guys

I just have a question for all of you guys here.  So the case is, my boyfriend does not care about my art.  It’s not that he think it’s ugly or horrible or anything, he just does not care. Does that sound horrible to you? At least, for me, it does.  Although I’m not sure why.

It’s not like I need him telling me that it’s fabulous or anything I just want him to care. I just want so enthusiastic comments on my drawing. I want him to be able to tell me honestly, while caring, if I’m heading the right or the wrong way with my drawing. I’m not sure if there is such a “rule” which says; Your boyfriend has to like your drawings, blab la bla. I’m searching for the reason of why I feel this way.

Somehow, the fact that he does not care at all, makes me really… Sad and depressed. I have been working my whole life, to achieve something with my drawings, and I’m still working on it. Then my other half, actually does not care at all about my art? It makes me feel somehow empty and that I’m struggling alone. And it’s also an extremely down push for me, in my way to somewhere with my art.

If a person, who is not my family or “my other half” , don’t care about my art; I really don’t care, because he’s not going to support me for what I’m struggling for.  It’s not that my boyfriend is not supporting me if I would get a job as an artist, it’s just that; something you’ve considered being over 50% of your life, ever since you could hold a pencil, is all of a sudden not appreciated by “your other half”. And then again, it feels like you boyfriend does not care about a big part of you, and what you keep struggling for every day by just breathing, looking, seeing and hearing.  I mean, I spend 60 % of my day thinking how to solve an artistic problem, or how to get better or how to make my art reach new heights.  And then somebody thinks that what you live for, is nothing but bullshit.

That leads to me, feeling like… I’m bullshit.

It was this other episode, living here in Japan, where I’ve taken Pottery courses for 3 months, and finally comes home with the dishes I’ve made. And then he reacts. Like it was something of the greatest things he had ever seen. And it actually hurts. That something, I consider bullshit ( Since I’ve been doing this, without struggling for it, without trying to achieve anything in my life. And I’ve only, ONLY, been doing that for 3 months. And btw, I’m not saying pottery itself is bullshit- I meant to say that I didn’t put my whole life and heart in to making pottery) is highly appreciated, while something I’ve spent my life on is considered as… nothing?!

I’m not saying that my boyfriend is a horrible person. Because he is not. I do understand that he’s just not interested in art, and don’t have an eye for it. But, I just feel so horrible, to be honest. So unappreciated.  And I think it’s hard to live with the fact that I can’t feel I get the “right” support to keep on struggling for getting my art somewhere.

I would love to hear what some of you people think about this. Does anybody have the same experience, and how do you handle that?
Can anybody make me see things from another angle, or make me understand somehow?
And does this somehow tell you more about “if you’re meant to be or not”? As an artist, could you spend the rest of your life with a person who does not care or understand you art?

And I don’t want any comments like; “Your boyfriend is horrible” “mean” “what a bastard” etc. That’s not the goal with me asking all these questions.

I just want to get a little wiser, and be able to understand, or see things in a different perspective.

 

About wictorianart

Freelance artist and photographer based in Oslo, Norway. Mainly doing character design, concept art, illustration and wedding photography.
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18 Responses to My partner don’t care about my art, at all… O.

  1. Kristine Fredriksen says:

    Hei, Wic, jeg må bare si at jeg føler med deg, har selv vært i ett forhold med en som egentlig ga faen i at jeg likte media, hva brydde vel han seg om at jeg kunne redigere film, eller lage nettsider.. Forholdet varte i 3 måneder før jeg ikke klarte mer, fordi jeg følte at han ikke satt pris på meg.

    Kunsten din er en stor del av deg, tro meg, det så jeg når vi gikk vgs sammen, og jeg tror helt ærlig at du trenger en fyr som elsker kunsten din, en som kan gi deg konstruktive tilbakemeldinger på det du gjør, og som klarer å leve seg inn i kunsten din.
    Ikke at det er dumpegrunn hvis han ikke gjør det, ikke hvis du virkelig liker ham, og kan se for deg en fremtid med ham. Men jeg tror du burde se litt inn i deg selv, og se om du kommer til å takle å være i ett forhold med en som ikke interesserer seg for kunsten din, og med det får deg til å føle deg som “bullshit”..

    Kunsten er en del av deg, og min mening er i alle fall at den personen du skal dele livet ditt med burde elske 90% av alle sidene ved deg, og når kunsten din er over 60% av deg, så burde kjæresten din like kunst.

    • wictorianart says:

      Ja, det er generelt ganske vanskelig. For jeg føler at å dele resten av livet med en som ikke ser din lidenskap for dette, er ganske vanskelig. Men samtidig så syns jeg heller ikke det er en grunn for å dumpe noen også. Vi har veldig mye bra sammen. Det er et generelt vanskelig spørsmål.

      Jeg har vært i et forhold der kisen ikke brydde seg om kunsten min, og det var hardt. Men nå har det seg sånn at jeg dumpet han for andre grunner enn bare at han ikke likte kunsten min.

  2. Random Genius says:

    First of all: you have to understand that when you have no interest in art, it’s very hard to be enthusiastic. It’s easy for your boyfriend to take a look at your end-product and give his opinion, but that is basically all you will get from him.

    When you brought home the dishes, you actually brought OBJECTS. This is art in a totally different way. Your boyfriend is probably someone who likes actual things, like many other guys. A drawing is just.. Well, a drawing! Unless you publish it for thousands of people to enjoy, the drawing will be just something for you. Something personal, which only you and people with interest in art can fully enjoy. Yes, you may show your art to family and friends, but I can guarantee you that they are not looking at it for more than a few seconds, only to never look again, unless you hang your art up on their walls. OK, that was a bit harsh, but you get my point.

    Unless you use your drawing for something really useful, or at least as decoration, it will be impossible to make your boyfriend enthusiastic about it. Sorry, but that is just the way it is.

    That was the hard reality-part, so here are a few encouraging words:

    I have a theory that “opposites make the best couples”. This theory is vague, but I still believe that a couple of differences, some of the huge, is healthy for long-term relationships. Not only will it be harder to get “sick of each other”, since you live with a constant challenge(which is very healthy), but you will also have some privacy. Drawing can be your world. A place where he has basically nothing to say, and where you can go when you want to take a time-out. In fact, drawing can be a good solution if you ever have a fight.

    There is a big difference between a “best friend” and “partner”. A best friend should be someone who is very similar to yourself, but a partner should be someone you love and respect, even though you are very different. Instead of being sad about him not being enthusiastic about your drawing, try to focus on the good things he has to offer, and all the good time you spend together.

    But I guess this is a “guy-thing”. Most of us don’t care if women show interest in our hobbies or life-styles or not. Sure, it would be fun if the girl likes football and studies the same thing as me, but that would just be a “small bonus”. In actuality, I couldn’t care less. I suppose your boyfriend is somewhat the same, unless you are overreacting in your post. He probably doesn’t know that this is something that bugs you, because he knows that it would bug him. And if you confront him with it, it will only end up with him thinking you are silly, or him “faking interest” in the future. You wouldn’t want either to happen.

    You must get used to a life where he is just one of the many people you show your drawings to. This is the only good solution to this “problem”. If you look at this “problem” from a rational point of view, it is clear that YOU are the villain. Your boyfriend hasn’t done anything wrong, and if you end up ditching him for not being interested in art, then I hope you take notes for the future: only date guys who are enthusiastic about art.

    • wictorianart says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to answer! :)
      You mentioned in the first part that I have to understand that itæs difficult being enthusiastic when he does not have an interesst in art- Yes, I already know this. The wall of text I have been writing here is not about trying to change him or his interessts, because that is impossible for me to do, and that is not what and want, and therefore I am searching for help and wise words among other artists who have something to say about this, in addittion to help me think in another way. My goal is not to change my boyfriend. So you got it a little wrong at this part.

      I my self, have always wondered what is best in a relationship; “opposites” or “being alike”. I have no idea actually. I have met boys who are totally different, and it didnt work out. And I have also met ppl who are like me, just in male version, and that didnt work out neither. So I, myself, don’t know what to believe about this subject. but I think both of these types of relationships have good sides and bad sides.
      I also like what you are saying about taking a`”break” in my own world.

      I dont think this is a “guy thing” though. I just think it’s a personal thing, from person to person.

      He does know that this is something that bugs me. We have talked some about it. And I ofcourse showed him what I had written, so that he could read this.

      The reason why an artist wants response from the person they live with, is so that the artist can get help seeing things in another point of view (of the drawing I mean), so that I can make the best result out of my drawing with help. Or when I think I have a wonderful idea, that my partner could tell me if it somehow could have been done in a different way or something like that.

      Also, I do try to interesst my self in his fields. Not because Im fascinated, but because I want topics to talk about, or so that when he talks about something he like, I can take a part of it- instead of looking at him stupidly and tell him to shut up coz I don’t care. I don’t think it’s healthy for a relationship if you don’t try to somehow ineresst yourself for what your partner is taking a part in- because you will feel alone in your relationship. That’s jsut my personal oppinion though. Because I’m not the girl who is interested in talking about weather with my boyfriend. I want to help him reach his goals, or take a part in his way of thinking- by actually force my self to do stuff as read something about politics (which I actually don’t understand at all) just so he can talk about this subject.

      I never said that my boyfriend was a villian either, or that he did something wrong ;) All I wanted to know was; how does other ppl handle this exact situation. I’m sorry if I confused you about that part.

      Thank you again for taking the time to answer. It’s good reading other ppl’s opinion, even from ppl who are not artists.

  3. Wolkenfels says:

    I can understand your concerns. I think as a partner in a relationship i can expect my partner to be interested in what i do. He don’t even have to like it but it is a part of you and he has to understand that – for sure there are things the other way around. I know a lot of woman who go with their man to some sport events even if they are not very keen to be there but to be with him and the chance to have something to speak about wiht each other is worth the “wasted” time.
    After some time in a relationship the communication between two partners get sparse. If then also one is not interessted in what his partner is doing then there is even less communication – and in silence no good partnership evolves.
    Just my 2 cents
    Cheers

    • wictorianart says:

      Long time no hear Wolkenfels! Thank you for taking the time to reply!

      I do agree, that you have to take part in your partners interesst. Or else you will only talk about things like the weather, and that is not very deep and flourishing for a relationship- I believe.

      Thank you !

  4. Ser ikke for meg at det er en veldig gøy situasjon. Du kan jo si til ham hvor mye det betyr for deg at han bryr seg, om du ikke har gjort det fra før av :)
    Hvis han ikke tar det seriøst, så be ham om gjøre det :D

    • wictorianart says:

      Vi prøver å finne løsninger på det, og jeg tror jeg må finne en vei for å gjøre han interessert i hva jeg driver med. Uten å komme med masse krav om at han skal skjønne alt. Men det er vanskelig. Men jeg mener, jeg setter meg da ofte ned for å finne ut ting han prater om- som jeg ikke skjønner noe av, fordi jeg vil ha noe å si tilbake til han. Jeg syns ikke det er så vanskelig, men jeg antar at for noen er det nok det.

  5. Ida says:

    jeg skjønner veldig godt at du blir frustrert av å ha en kjæreste som ikke interesserer seg for noe du legger så mye tid og arbeid i. selvsagt er dette noe han “ikke kan noe for”, men jeg synes likevel det går an å se litt mer nyanser enn det jeg får inntrykk av at han gjør utifra det du skriver. istedenfor å bare tenke “å, tegning, det bryr jeg meg ikke om”, går det an å gå litt dypere og tenke at “dette er faktisk noe kjæresten min har lagt sjela si i”. det å kunne glede seg over ting partneren har utrettet og være en støttespiller der det trengs er en veldig viktig ting i et forhold, ihvertfall i mine øyne! men det blir jo utrolig vanskelig når vedkommende faktisk ikke er interessert i det hele tatt, uten å være “slem” på noen måte.

    • wictorianart says:

      Jeg er enig. Men alikevel.. Jeg kan aldri tvinge et menneske til å interessere seg for noe de ikke vil interessere seg for. Men kanskje jeg kan finne andre måter å få han til å ta del i dette, på en måte som er morsom for han.

  6. Nina says:

    Bryr han seg ikke om det du gjør eller er han bare ikke så interessert? Er jo en liten forskjell.. man kan være uinteressert men fortsatt bry seg om hva den andre gjør. Når jeg tegner er det sjelden Joachim viser stor interesse.. men han bryr seg i hvertfall ved å støtte meg i det jeg gjør.. ved å gi små komplimenter og “mase på meg” om at jeg må tegne mer osv.. for å motivere meg. Og jeg føler jo det samme med han og fotografi.. jeg har ingen stor interesse for fotografi, men ser likevel potensielle i det han gjør og prøver så godt jeg kan å støtte og motivere han til å utvikle seg mer. Poenget mitt er at om han ikke er interessert i kunst burde han vel likevel jobbe med seg selv og bli flinkere til å bry seg med det du gjør! Siden det faktisk er en stor del av deg.. og det er ingen grunn til at interessen hans for tegningene dine ikke skal kunne vokse:) Spør han om meningene hans..dra det litt ut av han.. fortell han hvor viktig det er for deg! Om han da ikke viser at han bryr seg i fremtiden syns jeg det er et dårlig tegn.. Man må da kunne jobbe litt for hverdandre syns nå jeg. Når det er sagt må du ikke la deg selv bli deprimert og trist.. men heller fortelle han hva du mener om dette – er ikke sikkert han “gjør det med vilje”.. han elsker deg vel ikke noe mindre forde :)

    • wictorianart says:

      Han er ikke interessert i det hele tatt. Han bryr seg ikke heller, ikke før jeg spørr om han vil ta en titt på det. Men da klarer han stakkars ikke si så mye. Jeg har også lurt på, om jeg får en annen reaksjon fra han, om jeg malte et maleri og viste han det i stedet. Jeg vet ikke om det er det faktum at han ikke ser det for ekte eller lignende fordi det er tegnet på pc. Kanskje han må ha ting visuelt for å kunne foele at det er noe å ta del i?

      Det er bra joakim kan ta del i det og støtte deg, og gi deg et øye for at hva du gjør er bra eller ikke. jeg ber egentlig ikke om noe mer fra Jay heller. Jeg mener jo ikke at han må vise samme entusiasme som meg. Ja, det er det jeg leter etter; “støtte for å motivere”
      Tror det er det jeg prøver å si at jeg føler at jeg mangler. Jeg prøver jo å gi han dette så ofte som mulig, innenfor feltene han interesserer seg for.

      Kanskje om jeg spørr litt om hva han syns om konseptet, eller om han selv kunne få komme med et forslag om hva jeg skal gjøre med tegningen- kanskje han vil bli litt mer interessert da?

      Jeg er enig i at man må jobbe litt for hverandre. jeg tror det er viktig, hvis man skal ha et grunnlag for å være sammen i flere år! Du sa mange kloke ting her Nina. Takk!

  7. Liv Elin says:

    How weird…my tennant has a similar issue.

    I can certainly see why that would trouble you sweetie. And honestly I don’t know if anything I can say in the matter will make you wiser. You might think that a lot of people, when reading the above, will consider you self absorbed and narrow minded, and that it shows you as someone who not willingly accepts other peoples traits. And there might be some truth in some of that…but mostly it’s not. Actually it’s about realizing what his lack of interest will do to your relationship…maybe not immediately but maybe later. It can put distances between you that will demand attention if you’re going to be able to bridge it. And in order to do so HE will have to acknowledge this and you both must be constantly aware of it. Because you will always see it and know it when he might not.

    I’m not saying break off cuz I know there are a number of fantastic things about your guy. The most important thing is perhaps if you have enough other things going on that will make your bonds strong. I just want you to know that your feelings are normal and true and understandable. Who’s to say if we can have all that we desire in a man or not, if we should be content or not. I know us women demand much more of their men now than before and maybe that’s unfair. Any relationship is a balance act between two wills. Sometimes it’s hard to give what is not in you…that makes it necessary to be even more aware of each other. To accept the limitations and find what we need elsewhere. And that, as most other things, takes time and practice. :)

    • wictorianart says:

      I know, I has a lot of demands for my man. But I mean, in the world we live now, we’re trying to live togheter with our partner because of love, and not money. And then the demands grow.

      Yeah, the distance is the part that makes me worried. I mean, after 2 years time, if you don’t take part in your patners interesset, then you don’t have anything to talk about anymore.

      I always love your wise word, sweety! I really miss you… Wish I could speek to you in person :)

      • Liv Elin says:

        One certainly has to have some common ground to thread or the two-some becomes loneliness. And there’s nothing as lonely as being together and still alone. But…as someone said above…differences and being obliged to continuously work on a relationship might prove to make it last longer. As long as it doesn’t become too strenuously in itself.

        I miss you too hunni. Teatime isn’t anytime soon tho. Feels like you’re on a different planet. *hugs*

  8. Julie says:

    Har opplevd det samme selv :P det er skikkelig frustrerende! Eksen min brydde seg ikke om tegningene mine osv. Hvis jeg viste han noe sa han bare “så fint.” ville jo ikke ha skryt, men at han viste at han var litt interessert i noe jeg elsker å gjøre skader ikke :P så skjønner deg godt, men tror desverre ikke det er noe man kan gjøre så mye med

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’ll try my best to present some thoughts that can help you, but it may get long and complicated. I hope you don’t get confused by my agile mind vomiting all over. :)

    In a way, you’ve already answered some of your own questions through your writing. I gather that you consider your artistry to be a huge part of yourself and your life. Your boyfriend doesn’t care/ is not interested/ thinks that it’s just bullshit. This makes you feel like you’re bullshit/ he doesn’t care about you/ is not interested in you.

    Here we’re presented with a dilemma – he’s your boyfriend, and you yourself say that your boyfriend is a lovely person. This I don’t doubt, simply by the fact that you consider him your boyfriend. So on one hand, you feel that because your boyfriend doesn’t care about your art, he doesn’t care about you. On the other hand, he is your boyfriend, and therefore, hopefully, loves you, and you love him. I’m guessing that the majority of your internal struggle is based around this dilemma, and that’s why it is complicated – because there is a contradiction inside you. One part of you knows that you love each other, but another part of you feels that he doesn’t care because he doesn’t care about such a huge part of your life – your art. Am I correct so far?

    From this dilemma there can be a multitude of other dilemmas arising, making you even more frustrated and confused. For example: you can feel angry/sad/hurt/depressed or whatever by him not caring about your art, but at the same time, you may feel that you’re not allowed to feel this way, simply because he is your boyfriend and you know that he loves you. Or you know that you should trust him to love you, and therefore do not allow yourself to question this trust in any way whatsoever.

    I acknowledge that this can be hard to understand. But simply the knowing that there can be a contradiction inside you, may help in itself. So if/when you’ve uncovered the true nature of your internal struggle, then what do you do? Actually there is not much needed to do. If you become aware of your conflict and acknowledge that it is there, the whole issue may resolve itself. I’ve seen this through many years of practicing psychology. If you’re a Star Wars-fan, you’ll like Yoda’s saying: “Name your fears you must, before banish them you can.” This can also be applied to internal struggles. Become aware of what is in conflict. What is the nature of the struggle? What will’s are contradicting each other? There may be more than two.

    I hope this can provide some new ideas that can help you understand yourself. If you have questions, I’d be happy to answer them for you here. Good luck! :)

  10. Kim says:

    Jeg synes å huske du følte dette når vi var sammen og. Jeg tror kanskje det kan være vanskelig å finne noen som er på samme nivå som deg i forhold til kunsten, og som i tillegg interesserer deg på andre områder. Kanskje du må nøye deg med at han respekterer deg som artist og kunsten din. Det kan jo godt være han forstår ditt forhold til tegninga i forhold til ting i sitt eget liv. Men samtidig er jo du en av de mest dedikerte kunstnerne jeg har møtt. Det virker jo nærmest som om du pines og plages om du møter utfordringer med kunsten du ikke klarer løse.

    Jeg tror kanskje du må akseptere at du er så kompleks at ikke det finnes noen som kan forstå alle de kompliserte sidene ved det å være Wictoria. Gi han kred for å prøve, og ikke halshugg han for å feile. For alt du vet kan det hende han endrer seg, modner, etter hvert.

    Uansett. Lykke til :)

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